The Influence of (Grown) Children

It’s become almost trite now – the story of how a couple’s life changes when a new baby enters the picture. Or how a woman suddenly find herself thrown into the role of soccer mom -  or even tiger mom.  Nothing is new about the parenting tirades on permissiveness, lack of manners, traveling, or schools.  It’s become a lot of predictable noise, hasn’t it?

What we don’t seem to hear a lot about is how our children later affect us – what their influence is on their parents – as they get older.  By older, I mean as they maneuver through college and beyond. Sure, there are lots of articles about the new “empty nest” and what to do, how to survive, etc.  But what about the new relationship with the children when they are home? Or “visiting”?  

To be even more specific: what happens to the role that parents have later?  For those of us who once influenced everything about a child’s life – from what sports they participated in to what movies they saw, from who they played with to where they went on vacation (if anywhere...).  Parents create or take up all the “activity” and leisure time of their children until the kids go off and leave.  What happens when that role no longer exists?  And then – even better – when it becomes reversed?    

Over the weekend, we ran into another couple at a party and had a conversation on this topic.  Or rather, we ended up with this topic – our dialogue started out on a different track and veered into children.  “How do you find new music to listen to these days?” the mother asked me?  “I listen to what my children are listening to!” was my reply.  And their faces lit up – so did they!

What new, wonderful groups had we heard about through our children?  Well, Guster, of course.  (They also had discovered Guster.)  And did I know about Michael Franti?  (and Spearhead, which you may know from their hit Say Hey (I love you), they asked?  No, I didn’t - so I got a fabulous short history of his music and experiences.  The conversation about how our children’s influences went on from there.

When I had two boys the last thing I imagined was that in 15 – 20 years they would help to influence - and even define  - my taste – from the type of music I would be listening to, to the programs and movies I watch.  But that’s what happened.  For example, I still think the music that I had loved as a teenager and in college is good – don’t get me wrong.  I wouldn’t give it up for anything. But it’s 20 years old now – not fresh and new.  It’s fun and nostalgic – but I still like to hear new music and learn what’s going on, aside from what’s the top of the charts on radio. 

So I’m proud to say I'm learning from my children.  From music to television to movies – they shared with me over the years, over vacations and holidays.  While I may take them to see a Tom Cruise in Jack Reacher, they also want to be sure to see Argo and they discovered Quentin Tarrantino.  When we stay at home in the evening, I’m  just as likely to watch Top Gear or Dr. Who with them – as I might lure them into becoming hooked on Downton Abbey with me.  

 And isn’t it wonderful?

I’m learning new tastes – hearing and seeing the world through their eyes – allowing these freshly-minted young adults to influence me for a change.  How delightful and unexpected.   I hope it soon becomes a trend that everyone’s talking about soon.  If they do, you can note that it started here….